I didn’t really have high hopes for February and my fitness this month. Between the small funeral at the end of January and really missing my family, exercising was the last thing on my mind. My nutrition also kind of went blah.
I tried counting macros with some help during the month of January but man, a lot goes into that! I’m probably not going to try that again. I’m just not interested in that kind of meal planning and prepping. Right now I’m thinking I’m probably going to go back to the meal planning that I did last year and continue with that. It worked for me and I didn’t mind it at all.
I found these images from my mother-in-laws wedding. I see my true-self in these photos. How? This was Ashley pre-depression, pre-anxiety, pre-not being able to hold a job, pre-struggles with going to church, pre-struggle with weight-loss, pre-medication, pre-sadness…. I look at these pictures and know that they were taken during a time of my life when I was GENUINELY happy. I was genuinely okay with my body–my physical health and emotional health. (Also, look how long my hair is!)
I try not to look at old photos but I miss that Ashley. I miss that girl. I miss that happiness and that freedom from medication and dark days. I probably complain a lot about missing my past but it’s hard not to when you mentally struggle and there isn’t a cure for it exactly.
The other day I went to body combat this morning with my mother-in-law. I tried chewing gum to see if that would help my dry mouth and I almost threw up because the gum made me so sick. Woops! Then I couldn’t breathe so I went to the bathroom for a few minutes in case I couldn’t hold it down but felt fine after a few minutes. I went back in and was planning on sitting down the remainder of the class because I couldn’t breathe (dry mouth probs) and partially because “it was too hard.”
I was pissed. I was mad that I couldn’t breathe and F A I L E D the class within the first 5 minutes. But I decided I didn’t want to be that person anymore so I got up and just did what I could without feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Haha, I laugh because it’s so easy to complain about “not being able to breathe” so I just quit. I don’t ever modify or “do what I can.” It’s always quitting. But this time was different.
I was thinking of my future and my future children and I decided I would finish out the class for them AND myself. No excuses! I had to modify, and maybe that’s my life now. Modification but I’m done being lazy and quitting because it’s easy & what I’ve always done. I had a break through. And it feels good.
Me after class. HAHA
Anyway, I’m really proud of myself and that’s what I’ve wanted to share. Thinking about someone else in regards to working out is really nice for a change. My focus and motivation is different. It’s weird. But I love it! For March, I just want to spend more time at the gym and choosing better food options. We might be officially moving (again) in March so hopefully I don’t just jump off of the wagon. Wish me luck!
Also, here’s my new favorite workout meme!